September 29, 2007
The power to be.
The power to know.
The power to know how to be.
Is it really your power or is there a greater mystery?
In my mind power automatically brought up the notion of control. Control over one’s life, one’s direction or movement in the swaying stream of existence. Sometimes the steering wheel seems to have slipped from the hands and you careen into the unknown but that doesn’t mean that your personal power has diminished. In fact these times can bring forth hidden resources that reveal the actual limitless power of the lone individual. So maybe power does not depend upon control. What do you think?
In my college years I felt a certain amount of invincibility and went to great measures to test the physical and mental edges of my being. I only caught glimpses of my personal power in moments of introspection when I stepped back from the insanity of the alcohol-saturated collegian life. I did not directly pursue these inward times and they came to me unbidden as the facade of partytime started to fray at the edges. I started to see through the veils I had placed before my eyes in order to continue with actions that no longer made sense. A coping mechanism no doubt. How could I confront the fear that lay behind the self-image I projected and cultivated?
These days I feel a lot less invincible but more in touch with the power that resides within this being. I’ve become much more comfortable with the temporality of this existence. I feel closer to death and strangely enough more embracing of life. I sense the power of the natural world and the powerful effect we have on each other’s lives. I may have lost something when I turned my attention towards my own personal power. I know there are many old friends that fell away during those transformative years when I by necessity separated myself from their company. But I would not trade the power that has been revealed to me for a flight back to the good-time world of the party people.